Pain
by detective-sweetheart
Summary: But as we sat there in silence, I realized that anything that I was feeling was nothing compared to what she went through every time this happened...


A/N: Ok...this idea came out of nowhere...it's going to end up being a flashback scene in Charm Bracelets, though, somewhere along the way, but there you have it. And H:LOTS isn't mine.

* * *

I knew almost as soon as the judge started talking that this wasn't going to turn out the way we'd hoped. And that wasn't only because of the anxious look on Abby's face. The judge had been inclined to side with the defense on most of the motions that had been made, or so she'd told me. The only reason I was even there was because she'd practically forced me to come. I had the feeling it was only because she didn't want to be the one to tell Gee if things fell through, but I'd come anyway. It had already been said that our case was circumstantial, but now...now it looked as if things were definitely about to take a turn for the worse.

"Ms. Williams, these are quite serious allegations and I would like to think that our police did not resort to these tactics." The judge's voice broke into my thoughts and I looked forward; Abby cast a pained look in my direction before rising to her feet.

"Your Honor, this is a blatant attempt by the defense to delay this trial even further than it already has been. The police did none of what was stated here today and honestly, I'm appalled that it would even be suggested," she said. She was lying through her teeth, and both of us knew it. The defense seemed to know this, even if he had no direct evidence, and shook his head in disgust.

"If the allegations my client has made against the police are false, then why does he look the way he does?" he asked. "If anything here is blatant, it is the prosecution trying to excuse police brutality."

"As if your client doesn't deserve it, considering what he's done," Abby muttered sarcastically.

"What he's _allegedly_ done," the defense retorted. "Admit it, Ms. Williams, the people have nothing without a confession, and the methods used to get it are anything but legal."

"I'm inclined to side with the defense on this one, Ms. Williams," the judge remarked finally, and I continued to stare forward, not bothering to hide the look of disbelief that was slowly crossing my face. Abby wasn't either.

"Your Honor, the defense has no evidence other than his client's word that the police have done anything to him. For all we know, the defendant's injuries could have been inflicted while he was in a holding cell." she said, this time not bothering to conceal her annoyance as she continued. "That confession was not obtained illegally."

"Says you," the defense retorted, "Were you present in the squad room to oversee the interrogation?"

"The murder police hardly need me to oversee their interrogations; they know what they're doing," Abby replied dryly. She sounded nervous. Hell, she even _looked_ nervous, and that in itself was never a good thing. I'd seen that look on her face more than once before, and it usually resulted in something that neither of us wanted to hear. I didn't doubt that it was going to turn out that way this time, too.

"There is no direct evidence either way." The judge's voice startled me out of this reverie and I looked up again, just in time to see Abby rolling her eyes as the judge went on. "Given the circumstances, I find that I have no choice _but_ to side with the defense on this issue. The confession is out."

Dead silence filled the courtroom, and it wasn't only because there was hardly anyone in there as it was. What seemed like an eternity passed before the defense finally spoke, careful not to look Abby in the eye as he did so.

"Your Honor, the people have no case against my client without that confession," he said, "I'd like to move for a mistrial."

"Motion granted." The judge continued on, but I didn't hear anything beyond those two words. Motion granted. That was the last thing I'd expected and more than likely the last thing that Abby had wanted to hear. Twelve murders in six months, and now the one responsible was going to walk. The defense smirked in Abby's direction as the judge walked out, having declared court adjourned for the day; she had her fists clenched so hard that her knuckles had turned white and I knew it was all she could do to keep from walking over and hitting him. The defendant, however, refused to look her in the eye, but rather turned to face me.

"You know, Detective...that last one...she wasn't like the others...she actually fought back."

I looked at Abby just in time to catch the warning look she shot me before stalking out of the courtroom; it was evident that she knew what I was thinking. And at that moment, I was halfway tempted to do exactly what Lewis and I had done in the interrogation room right there; screw whoever was watching. As it was, I remained where I was sitting, determined not to move and get myself into any more trouble than I was already in. The defendant walked past me, smirking, and had I thought of it then, I'd have more than likely found some way to trip him, but at the time, there was something else on my mind...and that something was Abby. For once, she'd taken off without me, when usually, she'd grab me and forcibly pull me after her as she was wont to do when she was frustrated. But this time, she hadn't. And I had the feeling I knew why. So when the defendant and his idiot attorney disappeared from view, I got to my feet and walked out of the courtroom.

As luck would have it, Howard and Felton had just showed up for another trial being handled by another State's Attorney. They both looked at me but said nothing; instead, they pointed in the direction that Abby had gone, and walked away. I went in the direction they'd pointed and soon found myself facing the ladies' room door. No one was around, so ignoring the fact that I'd be called on impropriety if I were seen, I walked in. The sound of sniffling greeted me.

"Go away. I don't want to hear it, all right?" Abby was sitting on the floor, under the sinks, with her knees tucked to her chest when I turned the corner and when she looked at me, I could see that her face was red as she continued. "The defense shouldn't have gotten that one."

"I know," I replied simply, moving to sit beside her. She sniffled and wiped at her face, looking away from me.

"That bastard is going to walk," she said, her voice shaking. "He's going to walk, and no child in Baltimore is going to be safe."

"We'll get him again, Abby," I said, "Guys like him...they'll stay clean for a while to keep suspicion away, but they'll slip."

"And if he doesn't? Then what?" Abby demanded, glaring at me. "He's learned stuff now. He knows what's going to get him caught, and he's not going to do it again."

"Why does this matter so much to you?" I asked. "If he's not caught here, he'll be caught somewhere else."

"You know why it matters." Abby's voice was low, almost to the point of anger, and I knew better than to push her. My suspicions had been right. I knew exactly why this was bothering her.

"No one's going to blame you for this," I started, but she cut me off, a bitter laugh escaping her as she shoved her hair of her face.

"Says you," she said. "That man is not only a murderer, he's a pedophile, and I just let him walk."

"You're thinking about it again, aren't you?" I asked quietly, and she looked back at me for a long moment before nodding.

"Can't help it," she admitted, fiddling with the necklace she was wearing. "Every time I get a case like this, I see him. That last girl...she was the same age we were."

'We' in this sense meant her and Rose, and the last victim had been eight years old. Abby leaned against me, resting her head on my shoulder as she closed her eyes.

"It's just like letting him go all over again," she said, and silence fell. For once, I couldn't think of anything to say to her. I knew she probably remembered that night more clearly than I did, forget the fact that it was twenty-three years ago.

"You couldn't have done anything then, and you couldn't have done anything now," I told her finally. "None of it was your fault."

"I still feel like it was...back then, I mean. He only went after Rose because she was afraid of him...he knew she wasn't going to tell." Abby took a shuddering breath and went on. "God, if I hadn't walked in that night..."

I shifted uncomfortably, having no desire to listen to any of this; Abby noticed and stopped.

"You know, you're the only other person who knows about it," she remarked finally.

"Those girls know they had someone fighting for them," I told her. She looked up at me and wiped at her eyes again, turning so that her face was hidden in my shirt.

"Then why does it feel like I haven't done anything?"

The question startled me. But I knew what she was getting at. That night had been the driving force behind her becoming a State's Attorney...the reason Rose was so protective of Liana and Michelle. And I knew that it was why every time a guy like the one we'd just encountered got a walk, she didn't talk or look at anyone for days afterwards...not even me.

But as we sat there in silence, I realized that anything that I was feeling was nothing compared to what she went through every time this happened...my anger was nothing compared to her silent pain.


End file.
